Monday, April 5, 2010
The amazing cocktail of Shoaib-Sania and the IPL advertisements
Blame it on the remote control of my television set, there has been some amazing horrors taking place in last few days. The UP and DOWN channel button have mysteriously popped out and as a result, before one takes the remote in his hand, the channel flips - either it goes to plus one or minus one. Before we delve into the fun part, here is the channel arrangement on the TV set.
On Channel 33: India TV
On Channel: 34 Set Max
On Channel: 35 IBN7 hindi
Now of course I have been following IPL off lately, obviously no personal passions for team to ignite but while having dinner, if one gets to see a slew of amazing sixers or gets to see a fielder taking a marvelous catch, then there is nothing wrong, right? But then there in steps my flippy remote control. It just changes the channel to either 33 or 35. And both these hindi channels are passionately following the Shoaib-Sania marriage and the battles within. Simultaneously the gigantic diet for money of Mr. Lalit Modi has led to advertisements not just between overs but ads are also inserted even when the bowler is taking a run-up and as a result, Modi keeps singing: "paisa, paisa, paisa..."
Now one only has to touch the remote on my TV and see how due to the faulty UP/DOWN buttons, the channels mingle among each other and characters shift themselves from sports to news to sports. And since my mind is slower than television, it gives advertisements or outputs such as these:
Shoaib-Sania before camera. Shoaib walking inside a hotel lobby and as soon as a journalist asks about how he fell in love with Sania, Shoaib blushes and channel flips: Arun Lal the commentator: "This is a Karbonn Kamaal Catch!!"
Next: Top shot. Shoaib and Saniya are in their honeymoon at the beach, lying besides their sports kit and a mobile rings:
Shoaib and Saniya both go for the phone and try to grab like wild dogs: Then Saniya leaves and starts to giggle like Sehwag. Shoaib speaks.
Again. They both are lying near their sports kits. Top Shot. Mobile rings:
Shoaib: "Tera call hai..."
Sania: "Tera call hai.."
Ad super: Honeymoon offers on Karbonn mobiles.
The third cocktail was even more amazing: Sounds of violins. Anil Kapoor comes, dressed in a black coat, almost looking like a lawyer. In one corner of the room, Sania is sitting and on another corner a harried Shoaib Malik is sitting and doesnt know what to do with the nikaah, talaaq, shaadi and all the fracas.
Anil Kapoor to Sania: "Don't expect anything from me betaaaaa..."
Then he turns to Shoaib Malik and hands him the pen: "this is for you betaaaaaa...the power to write your destiny..err...testimony.."
Cut to Next: Shoaib Malik is preparing to bowl the next ball. He takes the run up and starts running towards the batsman, crosses the batsman and the camera shows the women running behind him: Ayesha, Sania, Sayali bhagat, Mehek and some more unknown women, which the media doesn't know about. The voiceover: "Oh! what is this happening? Is this the Pak effect?
A smiling Arun Lal in commentary box: "Those women are in real sense: Deccan Chargers!
Aamir Khan with smart chips packet in his hand, suddenly jumps from a terrace and enters a car: Sania is driving. He hands her a huge T-shirt and says: "You will need it?". Then he again goes from Car to car and hands another XXL T shirt to Ayesha, who is driving. But err. he looks at her and says: "Oh!!! you already have it!"
All this while Akshay Kumar, holding a random mobile, is laughing in the most atrocious manner ke ayesha ke gharwaale are feeling hurt. Because Ayesha-Shoaib met in a chinese restaurant where he was the chef. But Akshay is laughing on Sania-Shoiab-Ayesha-Sayali conundrum and in a way trying to promote his next shitty film: Housefull. Later, Shoaib Malik may take some tips from him on how to handle so many girls, as Akshay has been doing so successfully in all his films.
On a studio set, there are 4 or 5 people bickering and speaking utter nonsense! No one is able to make sense anything out of it. Hello! what are they trying to tell. Oh are they Vodafone ZoosZoos?. No. No. No they are The Maulvis, Qazis, (un)holy men and god knows what. They are issuing a fatwa for some random reason that they know alone. Oh! they are pointing it out to Sania that she will have to wear a burqa while playing tennis.
The LSD promo is coming too on the channel and we later realize: its Love, Shaadi aur Dhoka written in the same fonts for Shoaib-Sania case.
"Nikah on phone is invalid". So the mobile phone and service company - war is on. The phone and the service on which their nikaah happened were a combination of Samsung phone-Virgin card. That combination is not done we need No-kiya and Spice card. Ok whatever that means.
And lastly, there is Sanjay Dutt, wearing a costume that is straight out of a Ramsay brothers movie. He is appearing like a member of Ayesha's family. "Ha haa yehi, wah wah yehi. bolega wahi.. and some such crap. A young Shoaib enters their house in Hyderabad and falls down in a tank full of water. Ayesha smiles.
The super: To be continued...
The remote button goes back to IPL match on Set Max. Meanwhile Sanjay Dutt throws Pepsi for kids like Ranbir and gets up. Circuit comes from behind and tells him "Galat ad mei ghoos gaya bhaai...yeh soft drink hai, apan to hard drink peete hain na..."
photo courtesy: rediff.com
© Copyrights 2009 www.bhaandgroup.blogspot.com. All Rights Reserved. Hardik Mehta